question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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