i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
