I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
