rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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