Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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