My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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