mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize