And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
