Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
