Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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