he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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