he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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