That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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