I wannas sexs uuuuu
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
