Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
