I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
