I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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