Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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