idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
