Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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