1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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