Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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