So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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