did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
