yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
