P.S. I can't hear my feet
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Congratulations! We have a period
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