Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
