I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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