I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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