no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
