FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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