so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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