I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
