I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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