Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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