i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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