I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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