I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
