i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
