It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
