the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
