someone threw a dead crab at me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
