We got so high we made milksteak
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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