I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
my liver is dry heaving
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
