grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
