I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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