dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize