no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
