I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
