I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Its about making memories worth repressing
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
