I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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