he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
