Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
