Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
