Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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