Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
