my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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