she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
