All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
