Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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