We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
