The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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