11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
