well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
