where am i from again
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize