I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
