were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
