I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
