I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
