I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
