She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
