Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
