38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
