Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry about my life...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
