is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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