you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
